From Camden Town to Burnley Youth Theatre: The Chronicle of a Twitterer posted by Daniel J McLaughlin

I was in Camden Town when I heard the news. The news that I, Daniel J McLaughlin the First of Oswaldtwistle, was a champion. I had conquered my foes and I was victorious. I was some sort of a god whom people would gather around and sacrifice their pet kittens and relatively small children. I was Blaze’s Best Twitterer.

I have never really won an award before. Well I did at primary school for the most comical footballer but that was because I was frequently hit in ‘sensitive places’ by the mutant child in my class. Yes, the one who ate the glue and was banned from using scissors. Then there was the religious studies award at high school which was awfully nice of them but I was too polite to tell them that I am an atheist.

My mobile phone buzzed. The name “Blaze HQ” flashed on my screen which was inappropriate and unsuitable for young children. Previously, I had left the Globe Theatre with some excitable Americans screaming, “OMG! Shakespeare is da man!” I nearly made them explode when I signed the guestbook as W. Shakespeare. “OMG! A guestbook! How quaint. Wait a minute. Shakespeare signed it!” It was my calling. Rachel from Blaze HQ announced that my blood, sweat and tears had been worth it and I was a champion tweeter.

Throughout the summer of 2011, I had been working on the phenomenom “The Big Game” with the Oswaldtwistle and Nelson group. As a Twitter addict (or a stalker of minor celebrities), my responsibility was to use the social forum to chronicle the planning of the project and shamelessly plug the event. I bombarded Seb Coe with mentions and plague Blaze’s timeline. At one point, I proclaimed to the 126 followers that I was Jesus and commanded them to attend. There were live tweets from The Big Game too. I was excitedly tweeting from my mobile communications device whilst refereeing. Maybe I should have been concentrating on the game. I was just blowing a whistle in random bursts and trying to look important; a bit like any English Premier League official then.

It was geographically impossible for me to attend the awards ceremony at Burnley Youth Theatre. I was in London and according to the speech I sent via text, I was helping Her Majesty Queen Lizzie get Prince Phillip down from the roof because he was bothering the pigeons again. I would have loved to attend and I was sending the host Dann Allan texts trying to put him off his job. Did you hear his ring-tone of R2-D2 beeping?

I would like to thank Blaze HQ and its minions for the title of Best Twitterer and the W H Smith gift card which would, ironically, be used to acquire a book from the most famous tweeter, Stephen Fry. I cannot wait for next year. The biggie: 2012. And yes, I shall be there every step of the way. Twitter will not know what hit it.

You can follow me on Twitter, by the way. I’m the one stalking Derren Brown: @MessrMcLaughlin